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Sunday, October 19, 2008

*whore moans.

Turns out, if you cop an attitude with the be-acned 14-year-old at CVS when he imperiously notes that your credit card hasn't been swiped at the correct latitude when you're buying tampons and ibuprofen, you'll PROBABLY be typecast as hormonally unbalanced.

The best way to throw said Norbert off the track? Spontaneously add something nonchalant to your purchases. Preferably from the offerings nearest to the register. This does not label you as impulsive in the least.

Here's how I threw the teeny bopper off the track: a Democratic Pez dispenser.



COME ON. How cute is that??

I'll never eat candy out of an ass' ass, but it's adorable. Should B.O. pull out a win this November (typing made more difficult by the crossing of every single extremity), I will know victory is due to my late-night uterine requirements.

Barack: YOU'RE WELCOME.

I do know some of the mucky-mucks at a nearby Big Box Retailer, and they must stock these next to their registers, STAT.

Because there are plenty of emotionally inconsistent women out there who need current-events-related stuffed candy dispensers.

LIKE NOW, DICKHEAD.

Aherm. Tomorrow's Monday. Await combustion.

5 comments:

Anonymous
at: 6:49 PM said...

As a representative of a big box retailer I feel compelled to point out that you may find this eacxt item at your local bookstore....why tampons when great fiction beckons?

K. says:
at: 7:05 PM said...

CURSES!

i knew my knee-jerkiness would lead to heartbreak.

i will buy only literature from now on.

The Life and Times of a Southern Foody says:
at: 9:37 AM said...

hee haw!!!!


GO VOTE Y'ALL!!!

Juarez Family says:
at: 12:16 PM said...

Aww he's so cute!

Jeannie says:
at: 3:58 PM said...

Ummmm I suggest you continue buying tampons for another 30 years or so, but do not rule out great literature. But we should'o known better ... of course that bookstore would already have the cool trendy stuff.

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