And five days into this experiment, here are my observations:
1. Coffee requires more dishwashing than Diet Mt. Dew.
2. Coffee does not require a trip to the gas station before work.
3. Diet Mt. Dew has lots of life-giving caffeine in it.
4. So does coffee.
5. Diet Mt. Dew has lots of effervescent bubbles in it.
6. Coffee does not.
7. Diet Mt. Dew is a disturbing shade of nuclear green.
8. Coffee makes your breath and your pee smell funny.
9. This just in: Coffee makes you tell strangers personal details.
You would think so far it's a wash, but I have to say—at this point coffee might be pulling ahead a bit. Its most important side effect is that it makes me feel all grown-up. I think it's fairly clear that I am not, in fact, grown-up in the least, but now I have the props of adulthood. If I can manage to get my hair cut more than once a year, I might just fool the world!
Coffee also requires time to percolate, which is a fancy word for taking 10 minutes, a time bubble that exceeds my attention span by ... oh, about nine minutes. How to fill that vacuum?
Impromptu photo shoot! Dog as model, Tyra as muse. J, give us ...
ENIGMAT- ... Geezus, what is that?
OK, UM ... DESPERATE?
Yeah, that was a mite insane. I may need to cut back on the coffee.