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Monday, October 05, 2009

*k corral.

This weekend I lost control of my senses and agreed to take charge of the momster's four canines. That number then ballooned to five (LSis' beagle) and then, briefly and breathtakingly, to six (TwinFin's Labradoodle).

At one point I stopped calling them by name altogether and resorted to counting, Von Trapp style ... "1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, where's the beagle?" (Note: The answer to that question is always "sniffing something and pretending not to hear you.")

I am not a tremendously patient or calm warden, but we only had one accident, so I'll consider it a success. We also only had about nine hours of sleep in two nights because it turns out that all of the outdoor smells change every 120 minutes or so and must be reinvestigated.

Inmate #63591427: Sophie, puglet numero uno

sophmoric.


a.k.a. Sophers, Snophers, Snophee, Sniffy, and Get-Off-Me-You're-Heavy

crimes: Barking At Anything That Moves—up to and including joggers, children, leaves, shadows, and noises that aren't there—and its corollary, Inciting a Riot

Inmate #5946281: Cricket, vice-puglet

crickers.


a.k.a. Crickers, Crick-It, Jiminy, and Learn-To-Use-the-Stairs-Already

crimes: Excessive Licking and Creating a Disturbance Section IIA (Snoring)

Inmate #9521888: Haley, mutt of questionable heritage

hullabaloo.


a.k.a. Hullabaloo, Halo, and Needs-Social-Skills

crimes: General Squirreliness, Food-related Menacing, Premeditated Vandalizing Section IIIC (Pissing on the Floor)

Inmate #1358746: Gracie, doyenne Jack Russell terrier

goodnight, gracie.


a.k.a. Grace, Gracela, Greasy, and Sorry-I-Don't-Really-Want-to-Pet-You-Because-You-Only-Have-30-Percent-of-Your-Hair

crimes: Lap Sitting without Permission, Repeated Escape Attempts, Reckless Endangerment Section IV (Blindly Wandering in Street)

Inmate #9964152: Layla, diminutive beagle

loona.


a.k.a. Loola, Loo, Luna, Loolers, Lay, Don't-Pee-on-Anything-Don't-Pee-on-Anything-Don't-Pee-on-Anything

crimes: Peeing on Everything, Impersonating an Innocent Dog, Repeatedly Creating a Disturbance Section IIB (Waking a Cranky Human)

Inmate #6534872: Peri, floppy Labradoodle

peepers.


a.k.a. P, Peepers, P. Diddy, Doodle, and No-Jumping!

crimes: Jumping, Inexhaustible Cheerfulness

The truth is I can't help but love them all, each in their special special craziness. But for now K's Kennel is closed, and I am again down to just four legs and one tail.

Thank goodness he's normal.

inside out.

1 comments:

Anonymous
at: 7:30 AM said...

You are a saint. And funny!

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I am a work in progress. I perpetually need a hair cut. I'm totally devoted to my remarkable nieces and nephew. I am an elementary home cook and a magazine worker bee. (Please criticize my syntax and spelling in the comments.) I think my dog is hilarious. I like chicken and spicy things. I have difficulty being a grown-up. Left to my own devices, I will eat enormous amounts of cheese snacks of all kinds.

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