At one point I stopped calling them by name altogether and resorted to counting, Von Trapp style ... "1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, where's the beagle?" (Note: The answer to that question is always "sniffing something and pretending not to hear you.")
I am not a tremendously patient or calm warden, but we only had one accident, so I'll consider it a success. We also only had about nine hours of sleep in two nights because it turns out that all of the outdoor smells change every 120 minutes or so and must be reinvestigated.
Inmate #63591427: Sophie, puglet numero uno
a.k.a. Sophers, Snophers, Snophee, Sniffy, and Get-Off-Me-You're-Heavy
crimes: Barking At Anything That Moves—up to and including joggers, children, leaves, shadows, and noises that aren't there—and its corollary, Inciting a Riot
Inmate #5946281: Cricket, vice-puglet
a.k.a. Crickers, Crick-It, Jiminy, and Learn-To-Use-the-Stairs-Already
crimes: Excessive Licking and Creating a Disturbance Section IIA (Snoring)
Inmate #9521888: Haley, mutt of questionable heritage
a.k.a. Hullabaloo, Halo, and Needs-Social-Skills
crimes: General Squirreliness, Food-related Menacing, Premeditated Vandalizing Section IIIC (Pissing on the Floor)
Inmate #1358746: Gracie, doyenne Jack Russell terrier
a.k.a. Grace, Gracela, Greasy, and Sorry-I-Don't-Really-Want-to-Pet-You-Because-You-Only-Have-30-Percent-of-Your-Hair
crimes: Lap Sitting without Permission, Repeated Escape Attempts, Reckless Endangerment Section IV (Blindly Wandering in Street)
Inmate #9964152: Layla, diminutive beagle
a.k.a. Loola, Loo, Luna, Loolers, Lay, Don't-Pee-on-Anything-Don't-Pee-on-Anything-Don't-Pee-on-Anything
crimes: Peeing on Everything, Impersonating an Innocent Dog, Repeatedly Creating a Disturbance Section IIB (Waking a Cranky Human)
Inmate #6534872: Peri, floppy Labradoodle
a.k.a. P, Peepers, P. Diddy, Doodle, and No-Jumping!
crimes: Jumping, Inexhaustible Cheerfulness
The truth is I can't help but love them all, each in their special special craziness. But for now K's Kennel is closed, and I am again down to just four legs and one tail.
Thank goodness he's normal.