Tuesday, July 21, 2009

*praise the lord and pass the ammunition.

It sometimes can be impossible to describe to people what it's like to live in Alabama, where James Beard–winning chefs and Nobu chefs compete for market share with steam tables and chicken-fried steak, and some of the poorest counties in America occupy real estate just a few hours south of NASA.

I live in a city where the mayor is this homophobic nutjob and the town criers are these two chinless wonders.

(Roy "Crazy Eyes" Moore makes a spectacular cameo on that video. Watch as he struggles to find the word "empathy." Then Doocy tries to say the name of Moore's book and it comes out So God Help Me. TELEVISION GOLD.)

There will always be things here that will make me laugh and there will always be things that terrify me, but it's super nice of the American Legion to render them simultaneously.

pass the ammunition.

This is a (very large) sign that resides along tree-shaded streets in a cozy Birminghamlet. I understand the sentiment and I respect the service and I appreciate the context, but I really would like to drive down a street without getting the peripheral sense of large guns around every corner.

So let this serve as your tourism guide: There is only one way to visit a cemetery in this fair state, and that way is heavily armed.




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I am a work in progress. I perpetually need a hair cut. I'm totally devoted to my remarkable nieces and nephew. I am an elementary home cook and a magazine worker bee. (Please criticize my syntax and spelling in the comments.) I think my dog is hilarious. I like chicken and spicy things. I have difficulty being a grown-up. Left to my own devices, I will eat enormous amounts of cheese snacks of all kinds.