Wednesday, September 17, 2008

*math thematics.

If I've learned anything lately, it's that the recipe for a perfect storm really only requires two ingredients. Certain things simply can't sustain in combination, and no amount of agitation—however well intentioned—will calm the seas.

Basically, it's a case of bad math. Though technically that's the only kind I'm acquainted with. Just ask Ms. Terry, who allegedly taught me calculus in high school, which in her mind consisted of multiple screenings of Stand and Deliver and student-run guessing games about the odds of her living in her car (67%).

Here are some examples of things that do not balance:

Old Dude + Crazy Lady

Funny Guy + Screaming Liar

Tacky "Actress" + Classy Shrew

Cheesecake + Burrito

Yes, that is the culinary stylings of Hacienda Mexican Grill—where the decor is trippy,

the waiters dress like gay cowboys, and the guacamole tastes like rubber cement. But it boasts proximity, and the Woodside has nothing if not its fair share of inertness. I am always looking for suggestions of places to eat that I can grace with my particular brand of pajama patronage. (You know, it's like the Bush Doctrine, but not confusing or anything.)

M wanted something sweet, so he ordered this concoction. It's an awe-inspiring confection of artificially flavored cheesecake filling wrapped in a cinnamon-sugar tortilla and flash-fried before being topped with aerosol whipped cream and chocolate sauce. I hate cheesecake, so I only tasted the fried shell, but I could just imagine the cloying chalkiness that lurked inside.

L Sis did that psychological dance wherein you taste something, can't believe it could possibly be that strange, and keep tasting it, hoping that its mysteries will somehow be revealed.

Alas, they never were. Proving once again that you can put two things together, but you can't always make them add up.

Note: I've added a new sidebar to the right of blogs I read. I'll keep adding to it over time, but for now these are ones I love for sentimental reasons.


at: 2:47 PM said...

K!! You weren't supposed to say that I ate any of it - and REALLY weren't supposed to say that I kept coming back for more!


at: 4:04 PM said...

ok So I like old guy and the bald girl. Although it looks like they let her out of the padded room long enough to make the video......but who knows.... maybe old guy keeps her in his basement!...It's America. I means somebody kept Palin way up in Alaska 'til they needed her to come sing a bad song! Can somebody put HER back in her cell......soon!

at: 9:26 PM said...

ok 'the outlook is dim' WAS strong- but I don't think math thematics can go without some praise as well!

at: 11:17 AM said...

HA HA HA .... I think math thematics deserves true airtime! Send that blog to John Stewart!!!!



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I am a work in progress. I perpetually need a hair cut. I'm totally devoted to my remarkable nieces and nephew. I am an elementary home cook and a magazine worker bee. (Please criticize my syntax and spelling in the comments.) I think my dog is hilarious. I like chicken and spicy things. I have difficulty being a grown-up. Left to my own devices, I will eat enormous amounts of cheese snacks of all kinds.